things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
