? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
