All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
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