a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
