Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
