apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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