whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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