Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
