Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
