I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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