I can't watch pbs sober anymore
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
