I don't remember. Are we still dating?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
