I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
