carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
