Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
