plz talk dirty to me
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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