Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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