We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
