I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
