do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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