**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
