I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
