Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
