Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
