my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Come on in and take your pants off
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