Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
