The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
