she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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