I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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