She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
