I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You ruined the universe
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
