Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
