So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
