i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Randomize
