there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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