the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
