No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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