I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
