so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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