I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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