just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
