Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i will never coherently bang her
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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