ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
where does the pee come out of this thing
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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