My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
