dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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