You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
