We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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