Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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