Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
