Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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