Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
