I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
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