It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
